The Update

Just to let you know, I just started this account, but all the blogs added stretch back more than a year ago. They're in order, so no worries. I'm glad to see you've visited. Hope you check back often.

-Taylor J. Pridgen

The World

Somewhere not here, a child is dreaming of the world as they know it;
Somewhere not here, someone has refused to erase the word "Love" form their arms. Somewhere not here, the tangents of laughter have escaped from the delves of smiles across populations. Somewhere not here a man is crying. Somewhere not here a girl will awake to a day she isn't prepared for and somewhere else, a girl will wake to a plan she knows like her childhood home. Somewhere not here the wind blows with an intensity that would deliberately destroy the sleep of a grandmother with a white flag. Somewhere not here it is snowing. Somewhere not here it is much too hot, and somewhere not here there will be someone walking without shoes. Taking the time to experience the variety. Someone is enjoying the rain. Somewhere not here, a group is making beautiful music together. Somewhere not here a couple is arguing again. Somewhere not here a decision was made that could save a life and elsewhere a light is shining. Somewhere in the darkness a fire is raging and within a fireplace warmth radiates to wherever there may be a mother reading bedtime stories to her children.
Here I am.
As there you are.

- Sincerely In Love

(-Taylor J. Pridgen)

The First Day

I know I've said this before and I know for fact that it won't be the last time it will slip the confines of my conscious, but I felt for once that I was actually beginning life. This is where the days start meaning something. This is where the words will matter and it seems too early in this update to start ranting off things in my life that have created a space in the clutter of my mind but more and more I'm dealing with space and what it means to have space and the only conclusion I have is to blame the Architecture program for instilling it in me while thanking whatever I have to thank that I am the way I am and for my ability to perceive, deduce, and search for meaning in things so big and small both in size and value. Treasure eh?
I had the words to say in this update that would've both wowed and amazed some of you while leaving others of you to believe I am honestly trying too hard and maybe I am. Is that so wrong?
"Do or do not. There is no try" is probably my least favourite quote. No offense, the guy is wise beyond his years but there really is something to be said about trying and as soon as you rule out an ability you're left with even less opportunity than you had before in a world that's searching for something it lost (or never had).
I hope like hell I'm meant to find something in the course of my lifetime that will fulfill the brinks of my soul until I can finally be at peace. But that will never happen. And that's the true beauty of the world. Now isn't it?

I'll say it again. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Whether or not I'm right. It's going to change me. Everything does. Everything will.
I hope the words I carefully splatter onto the page helps you as it helps me everytime I do so. They are yours to use.

Never let the world pass you by.

(-Taylor J. Pridgen)

The Moon

Lately I haven't been able to take my eyes off of the moon. It amazes me that something so gigantic, so astronomically huge, and mysterious, can linger in the air so effortlessly. There's some magic about it. There has to be. And there has to be something distrot about a gigantic mass in our lives that we seem to forget consistantly until we see it directly.

It hangs over our heads like a raincloud that has had its rain replaced with a downcast feeling of emptiness. And we may catch glimpses of it from time to time, but rarely there are few of those times where we truly stop all of our thoughts and watch it glow radiantly as if it were a Heaven.

And I laugh.

It is so beautiful. So heavy, and thoughtful. Even if it may be this feeling of emptiness and filled with the lonliness of a single man in the moon looking at the Earth with all the hope, love, and anticipation in the world it is watching.
Despite how empty it is, it is gorgeous. It can make us stop and stare. It can wow us and make us wonder and search; inspiring us. And it can make us fear, it can make us frown and fall down and even in all of this, the moon's talents have startled me back into a first person view that I'm afraid too many people are losing. How does something that seems like a circle in the air inspire so many people to write, to love, to create and build and explore? What is it about this moon that makes the people love it?

I can't help but feel like the moon follows me; as if it acts as some grand lighthouse helping guide my way and find my path back to the ones I love.
And it's out there. Spinning silently and humbly along its path. I wonder if it knows itself where it is going or why it floats. I wonder if we do, ourselves?

There's a line from a fantastic song that goes: "The world can be ugly. But isn't it beautiful?" and it is a constant reminder to what our world consists of.

How can you not smile at a world that can let you cry? Why do we cry when we're happy? How can you not be entertained that I am able to communicate with you? Why do we read? There's magic in the world. But not the kind of socery everyone thinks of immediately. My kind of magic is most commonly found in music. But can be found when you look at things just right. Take for instance the Moon.

-Taylor J. Pridgen

The Maze

I hate viewing these updates as milestones in my life, but if not that, than the only other thing I can call them are updates and that hardly sounds profound.
But for once I have no major event to mark the significance of this writing. In fact, I find that there is no hidden meaning, superficial ideal or amazing epiphany that has lead me to write to you. Which is not to say that my words hold no meaning nor merit. You'd be sorely mistaken to think so. It's the contrary that holds truth. However meaningless my words are to you, I will think different, why write if I don't?
I obviously write this for you to read it. I like sharing myself, I like being known. I often call it selfish though I am trying to share myself in this way. Hopefully you can know me now. Hope.
I have successfully fulfilled my duties as a student and passed my first year of higher education and couldn't be more uneducated. Through the tests and assignments, laugh and joys mixed with tears and rage, I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing, and more often than not am found strapped down to a rollar coaster ride that I paid for but can't remember why. I have dreams, and wants. Hope. But what am I doing? I'm not sure, and I wish I was, three times over. Maybe that's the excitement of it? I know it's the fear.
Being trapped in a dark maze, knowing where you want to be but not quite sure how to get there, and not sure if you're doing it right is spooky.
I know that no one should wait for things to come, but there's an overwhelming desire that tells me to. Waiting doesn't mean giving up. I'll wait to see the light at the end of this dark maze. If I continue to continue I have no doubt I'll make my way out, but in what order? Where will I be when I emerge? Where am I now?
Why is there such a need to know? Why not? Right?

-Taylor J. Pridgen

The Wind

The wind blows a lot where I’m at and I constantly wonder what truly drives it to be so honest. But lately the wind has carried a passenger made of melody that can sing silently to you. And it works;
It’s finally coming to the point where I feel that waking myself up after small increments of sleep, and pacing my steps to class in the safety of my headphones, is becoming worth it. For the first time in a long time, I feel free. As if some kind of combination of will, dedicated, inspiration, and love formed some sort of even cheesier emotion that empowered me to awake from a kind of sleep I know nothing of, and that kept me from really being able to exist.
The feeling of vague misunderstanding constantly coarsed through me as if it were stealing my blood. It’s a different type of fear, but just as frightening, to not know where, or how, to stand. Or sit for that matter.
My dreams carry progression as my life carries on. And I could care less if this birthed freedom is only temporary. Because life lives on. Because I will still empower myself to wake up each morning, and trot to classes in my headphones. Because I may fail a class, and I may pass a class. Because I will find new ways to press the keys on my piano. Because I want to find new ways to love my girlfriend. Because I will always take care of those close to me. Because I have dreams like you. Because I will always be pissed of the wind as it blows by me, humming the melody we all know, but somehow, have all forgotten.

-Taylor J. Pridgen

The Change

Outside the window the weather changed from fairly decent, to light snow, to blizzard in a matter of ten minutes. And within an hour the ground was covered.
It's amazing how things can change.

I remember looking in a mirror when I first started college; I was afraid. I didn't completely recognize who was staring back at me in the mirror. I wasn't sure who I was, why I was here, or what I might be trying to accomplish in a world where my voice is getting smaller. I was scared.

Reflection is a powerful thing however. Months later, days later, hours, minutes and seconds away from that one moment I sit in a crowded room awaiting my next class. I feel like I've learned more in the past couple months than I might have ever learned. and not just in school subjects.

I can look in a mirror now. I can see my face clearly; The boy who isn't quite a man yet, the boy who still has miles to go, the boy who may not be the hottest, most talented, or intelligent. But I smile. and I smile because I'm happy. Because I know who I am. Where I'm going, and I know, if I don't get there, that it isn't the end of the world. And should it be, well, that takes a load of everyone's back, doesn't it?
But as I'm going, doing, and learning, I'll smile.

and I will try as hard as I can, to have everyone smile too.

Thank you.

(-Taylor J. Pridgen)

The Reminder

There's a definite something in the air as of late. I want to say I can smell it, but I know for sure I can feel it; It feels like hope.
It would be nice to say that it is the beginning of the rest of my life. But that seems like too high of an expectation. Maybe it's a state of confidence.
Either way, it has made me concious of where I am and where I'm going. Each new step in my life is bringing me closer to something I've never heard of; Something big. I'm learning more, thinking more, seeing more, loving more, writing more, and living more. And so far each step has been solid. The ground beneath me seems to want to stay there, and I'm thankful.

It seems obvious lately that I'm sticking to school and striding for good grades, and that I'm meeting people, but at the same time learning more about what it means to be a friend. Which is frightening, but I'm finding that you're never really done learning about something, or anything at all for that matter. And that excites me.
Soon enough Christmas will be here, and I have no idea what to get anyone. And it doesn't seem to phase me. I apologize. But I hope to spread the cheer.
Though I think the biggest help in my new found sight is my beautiful girlfriend. She is constantly giving me perspectives, and it's only one of the many reasons I love her.

All of this combining into a grand sense of adventure on a miniature scale. I'm growing up, slowly, but surely. And eventually I will create a life of my very own. The more that I think about it. The more that it scares me.
And I realize. What's in the air is not the future. It's the present. And I think it's telling me to live now. Plan for the future, but I'm existing in this moment, and I should take it with me wherever I go.
But how can I ever know?

-Taylor J. Pridgen